Mistake #41 All-Girl Trips
Hey girls, so I hear you're going on a little all-girl vacation? First, let me get this right. You spend all winter getting in shape from your eating fiascoes during the holiday season, and to reward yourselves you head on these week-long excursions with your lady friends? Okay, got it. Seriously? [ashleyk] Don’t flatter yourself. We don’t get in shape to go on trips with you… Sorry to burst your bubble! I can understand if your guy friends have other things planned. Yes, we do have jobs of substance, [nikki] aaaand because we’re female you think we don’t? but we do know how to put in a vacation day or two. However, I've heard through the grapevine that a few of your guy friends have asked to tag along and you shun them like the Bubonic Plague of the 1340's. What's the deal? Are we really that annoying to be around? Do you hate it when we can add a bit of history and background to the locale you plan on visiting? [nikki] History and background you say? And where did you acquire this extensive knowledge? From your endless p-days spent playing RISK, or your borderline-obsession with Lara Croft: Tomb Raider? We’ll probably be fine without your assistance. Are you going to all-women cities with all-women restaurants to do all-women shopping? H-No! So what's your hang-up? [nikki] My “hang up” might have something to do with the fact that you just used the phrase “H-No!” The use of a pseudo-curse only serves to exemplify your obvious lack of commitment. If you want to use the word ‘Hell’, then use the word ‘Hell’. Jump in there with both feet! There’s no need to beat around the bush. This translates to all areas of your life. If you’re interested in spending time with me all you have to do is say so. You don’t need to write a semi-coherent blog about how your feelings are hurt that I didn’t choose to include you in my travel plans. Call me crazy, but doesn't this defeat the purpose of getting to know the opposite sex? [nikki] Well, “getting to know the opposite sex” is why the institution of dating exists. Doesn’t stop you from “hanging out” with my friends and me on weekends though, does it? If you want to “get to know” us better, don’t wait for an invite to a trip. Ask one of us out sometime. I mean you cry and complain about having too many girl friends and not enough guy friends and then you hit us with this ultimate b-slap. [nikki] Wait, wha???? How many women do you really know who complain about having too many girlfriends? And let’s be honest. No woman laments the lack of “guy friends”, they complain about the lack of “boyfriends”. If you don’t understand the difference then we have a problem. I hope this isn't in retaliation to us not inviting you on any trips. Sorry, but you're the planners. Not to be sexist, but how many travel agents have you seen lately with "real" Y chromosomes? [nikki] Well, maybe you’d be invited if you took the initiative every once and a while…stop being lazy and exert some effort. [ashleyk] Effort not meaning hot tubbing! There is more to do. We really do appreciate your travel selections and are glad to accompany you.I know that I'm just a naive guy, but from the looks of it, these are the only probable reasons on going sans-men:
1) You only go through this whole self-improvement phase to gain the approval of other rival women (which you secretly hate btw...) [nikki] Thank you for the insight Mr. Clinical Psychologist. And the point behind a “self-improvement phase” is actual self-improvement. Maybe you should try it sometime.
2) You're actually trying to get your groove back in exotic places with non-MoMo guys. Stella, this only leads you down a slippery slope. [nikki] HAHA! At least the No Mo guys have the cojones to ask us out! Maybe you should take notes. And who said I lost my groove in the first place? [ashleyk] The slippery slope?? Maybe you should take a glance in the mirror and self evaluate the NCMO grind session you had last night in your truck with a girl you just met… but that wouldn’t be as bad as a No Mo because she was dunked when she was 8. Clearly a valid point.
3) You feel uncomfortable with your body and you feel that only a girl can relate. (If I'm not mistaken, most of the comments from girls categorize men as "fat and balding." From that perspective, I think we can all be in agreement that your muffin top won't be a topic of discussion.) [nikki] I only became uncomfortable with my size 6 body after walking in on guys from the ward discussing my FP, so I can hardly agree with that statement…muffin top conversations probably run wild in priesthood.
3) You're just trying to get tanned with your girlfriends so you can attract guys later. Well crap, who's going rub tanning lotion on your back then? [nikki] Not you, perv! PS: You have listed two question #3's. Is this 3B? [ashleyk] You just lost out on our next trip for even saying that…
4) You really have some pressing issues to mull over with your girls that a sleepover can't suffice. [nikki] It sounds like you spend too much time envisioning what all-girl sleepovers entail. It’s creeping me out.
5) You really love telling the guy who bought you an alcoholic drink that, "I can't, I'm Mormon." [nikki] Hey, at least we’re saying we can’t drink (unlike that semi-active party girl you hung out with out with last weekend. You know, blonde hair, cleavage, mini-skirt…ring a bell)? What? I'm just saying...
Now, if you're gung-ho on making these trips, go ahead. At least mull over these potential problems:
No protection whatsoever. How much do you really trust 4'9", 97 lbs Trisha watching your back? [nikki] In all honesty, Trisha probably works out more than you, so I feel pretty good about it.
Sorry girls, but common sense in foreign locations never was your forte. See Brokedown Palace, Taken, Return to Paradise, & Missing in Aruba: The Natalee Holloway Case.
[nikki] If you have such low expectations for our behavior, why do you want to hang out with us in the first place? You’re basically saying that we’re dumb enough to become unwitting drug mules? That you believe we gregariously flirt with foreign men and have such a lack of brain power that would be easily bamboozled into giving them the deets on our lodging accommodations? That we have no qualms with getting drunk and sleeping with potentially dangerous native criminals? It has also not escaped my notice that you failed to cite any films which involve unlucky male travelers. Way to gender stereotype! That’s such an attractive quality in a man.
Add extra risk if you're a blonde. As much as the first guy seems flattering, the next 300 Italian men fondling you make American guys seem like Prince Charming. [nikki] This….is true. Good thing I’m brunette!
Foreign guys DO NOT understand the word "No." [nikki] Most other languages use “no” for “no”. I’m just saying…But when all else fails, bust out the pepper spray. It worked last time...
If you're getting taken advantage of at Meineke Car Care, good luck with Cantonese street markets, the Taj Mahal vendors, Cancun taxi drivers, or some sketch cabana boy in Majorca, Spain. [nikki] Oh, because YOU happen to speak Cantonese, Hindi, and Spanish so well? Did you learn it while serving in Nebraska on the mish???
Who will you dance with? Will it be the guy who grinds you into a full on DH, or will it be Mr. Axe cologne who's just scouring the club for his next human trafficking victim. HAHAHA! [nikki] Excellent point…Can’t argue with this one. So maybe we’ll just avoid the clubs while on vay-cay. Kind of like we do back at home.
Who will give you a blessing if you get hurt? [nikki] Oh wait! You don’t give us blessings when we’re sick or hurt AT HOME, so why would we invite you on a trip for that purpose? Step up to your priesthood responsibilities, and stop trying to pass the buck.
What are the chances you know the language...proficiently? Rosetta Stone only halfway works in a business meeting and is a non-factor when local colloquiallism is involved. [nikki] In all honesty, we probably speak it better than you do. We had to study foreign languages in college, you know, in order to earn our degrees? Oh, wait, you DON’T know because you never finished college. Speaking “Spanglish” on the construction jobsite doesn’t count. We also don’t count your fluency in “Elvish.” Sorry.
These aren't just rantings of a chauvinistic, bitter guy, these are also valid concerns that each one of your parents (at least the ones who actually care...) talk about before you head out into the unknown. So again, think twice. Better yet, just don't give us any crap at age 55 when we take golf trip pilgrimages and pay homage to every Robert Trent Jones designed course in the country. Bon Voyage!!!! Posted by P.P.
We hope that clarifies a little bit for you Peter. We understand that we might sound a little harsh, but we just wanted to be straightforward in order to prevent futher confusion. Sorry you're missing out on this trip, but I'm sure we'll see you this weekend when you call us to hang out! XxOo
